Demented Space

Well, I've had something of a change of heart. For a couple of reasons.

Firstly because using Blogger it's going to be much easier to upload photos and video in one place without any extra costs in time and money.

But more so because I've just been having a read back through some of my entries from the last years, and I just feel it's time to make a clean break with some things. There are parts of my past I've moved on from, they just aren't really 'me' anymore, if that makes any sense. It costs too much to go back and edit or delete all that stuff. I'd much sooner just leave it here as it is. I can go back to it if ever I need to, but like a memory in the subconscious, it's put to one side for now, visible to those who already know it anyway.

If anyone would like to keep up with me, then from now on you'll be able to do so here:

http://geilehund.blogspot.com/

I hope you'll join me.

Hello friends, acquaintances and people who just found their way here by mistake and are thinking, God, get me out of here ! 'Tis I, once more returned to lambast you, fair reader, with my ramblings, should you care to listen. Or even if you shouldn't. Well, suit yourself.

But why, have you returned again, I hear you ask? We were hoping you were gone for good... Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I had the urge to direct my creative juices into the journal/blog direction once more. Yes, I know that sounds kind of messy, disgusting, and/or erotic, depending on your preferences, but fear not, dear friends, you will all be provided with plastic ponchos for the journey ahead...

OK, to be serious for a moment, this journal has generally acted as a way for me to let off steam at various points in my life over the past 6 or 7 years. But I've been a bit disloyal to it, and that should change. I mean, Facebook is all well and good, but writing one line isn't exactly informative for any of those people who might actually be interested in knowing what is going on. Since I started writing here, the list of people I should try to keep in touch with has been slowly wrapping itself around the globe, and around my neck, so that it's getting to be an impossible task at times. This blog is my evil scheme to rid myself of my guilty conscience, ha ha. This way, I can blame other people for not reading it, tee hee. No, but this way, anyone who is interested and hasn't heard off me for a while can take a look, and if all goes according to plan, there should be something current to read on here. If, on the other hand, it turns out that, like so many other pipe-dreams of mine, I fail to have the staying power to post here week in, week out, then this paragraph will have just been a waste of your valuable time ;). So fingers crossed.

Let's start off small. Next week, on Monday 29th September, I'm flying off to Osaka,Japan, where I'll be spending around 3 months. During that time I hope to set myself the aim of trying to post here around once a week or so. With the wonders of technology, that may not mean that I sit down here and write every week, but instead I'll try to make the whole experience a bit more mult-I-media (with a mult-I as in eye ;op), so I'll stick up some photos and links to YouTube videoblogs, etc. Let's see how we get on. If I can stick to these intentions during the time in Japan, who knows, maybe I can make a go of this! I hope you'll stick with me too.

Ok, here's a freshly-taken photo from today as a first sign of my good intent. I'm very sad, I took it myself in our back garden. Just because...

Hmm, OK, I'm a bit out of practise it seems. Just realised that I can't post pics directly from file without upgrading, which I don't intend on doing; I could just be a traitor and move across to Blogger instead. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, LJ. But maybe there's another way... I'll have to put the pics elsewhere. Leave this one with me, and for now I'm afraid I'll have to leave you pictureless...

Tuesday morning I switched on the TV and found they were showing the Teletubbies in German. This was a new experience for me, I have to say. I think this is certainly recommendable for anyone wishing to improve their German. Choice phrases include:

"Die Teletubbies haben Nu-Nu ganz doll lieb."

"Zeit für Tubbie Winke-Winke!"

"Lala hat Schneeball trotzdem ganz gern!"

Yeah, so I don't really have much news. Have been working, mostly. At the weekend I was in Hessen for a family birthday party, which was fun, but I was feeling a bit tired and run down, so I went back to the hotel quite early and couldn't really socialise too much. I've been feeling very tired the past couple of weeks actually. Maybe it's the time of year, or maybe because I always feel I have a lot to do when actually I don't have much to do at all. Everything seems to be too much of late, and I'm pretty lethargic. It doesn't help that I managed to bang my noggin very hard twice this week, and that I've had a headache since yesterday (probably a mild concussion, seeing as I nearly passed out). All in all, the fact that I'm doing less means I have less energy to do anything, in return I am slowly getting fatter and out of shape. Roll on January, get back to a full time job and get things back on track.

Have to get on with the Christmas shopping in the next few days. I hope it won't take too long. Have to be frugel this year though, I seriously have no money. Sigh.

A story/random thought came to me this afternoon (in respons to another journal)...

I can't say I'm overly surprised that some European people are seen as completely, excruciatingly, want-to-rip-off-my-ears dull. I've met some serious arses on my worldly travels. Including the German couple who didn't want to do, errm, like, ANYTHING while we were travelling around Thailand. Because who knows what might happen to you whilst riding an elephant through the jungle, or going for a moonlit cruise on the Kwai, or when you dare to GO OUTSIDE THE HOTEL, for fuck's sake! They were in their twenties, and I was forced to dub them "The No-Frills". Most of the pensioners we met were more exciting. A couple of corpses would certainly have provided more life and entertainment. But then this guy went to the market and bought a machette, which started to worry me a little, I have to say, because I really couldn't imagine what exactly he planned to do with it... Chop onions, maybe?

Ok, that's enough deranged bits and bobs from me for one day. I have decided to try and integrate the word noggin into my daily vocabulary as often as possible. There is a definite shortfall on noggins in today's world which must be rectified.

Mann, Sauerkraut kann wirklich tödlich sein.

I'm off back to the UK tomorrow for a few days. Looking forward to the break and to seeing some people again. I'm tired out from the weekend and the last few days of work. Also I don't feel my physical condition was improved much after I rode my bike through a fence this afternoon. Or rather the bike stayed where it was whilst I flew into some bushes. No real damage done, just a few cuts and bruises, plus I managed to tear out an earring in the process. But feeling a bit sore in general.

Kids were a nightmare yesterday and lucky me was then allowed to teach an extra class at 19.00, so wasn't home until 10 o'clock and felt totally knackered. It isn't so much the working time as all the running about in between which really kills you. Then I was up again about 6.30 to set off for work. Just one more class to teach and then I have to pack my bag for tomorrow. Will be up early again as I want to catch the train just after 8.

You know, it's a nice thing about having a journal like this, that it's always there, no matter how long you leave it for. Be it a few weeks, a couple of months or a year, I can always come back and write something when I feel like it. Sometimes I don't have much to say, other times I feel like writing something every other day.

I was considering posting some of my lyrics that I've been writing recently on here. I don't know if people would find it a bit depressing. I know I do. I'll think about it.

I think that spelling is much better. In fact, I might suggest it to the band website as a name for their weekly e-mail...

But really I think it's more like some kind of mysterious creature which is bipedular but has an articulated nose. And is very hairy...

Sorry, drifted off there for a minute.

What's new? I seem to have found myself two jobs this week (still have to sort out contractual things with one of them on Tuesday). I'm still on the lookout for more things, because, yes, I really am just that greedy. I'll basically be doing the same things as I have been already, teaching English classes for kids, teenagers and adults.

Last week I fasted all day on Friday. I was good and didn't even drink water. I did it as a pact with a mate of mine and some other guys, one of whom was a Turkish Muslim, and we shared a day of Ramadan. I was suffering badly by the end of the day, I guess it must take a bit of time to get used to the feeling. For me, not eating probably produces a feeling akin to that experienced by people trying to quit smoking... But it was really enjoyable to break the fast with the guys at a local kebab shop, although perhaps the next time I will think twice before replacing my lost fluids with alcoholic ones.

I have my new glasses. It was really amazing, they finished them in one day. I remember having to wait weeks for glasses at one time, now they do it in 24 hours! I'm pretty satisfied with them, though really they aren't so different from my old pair.

Cara's birthday was on Tuesday, which happened to be a holiday, so me, Nick and Lauren prepared a bit of a surprise for her for when she got back from Paris. We had a nice day chatting and eating cake, and later went out for food at a local restaurant. Mmmm, Brauereischnitzel... It was still a bit sad, because Cara won't be here so much longer and I think we'll all miss her a lot.

Last night we went to watch a play at the "Bier Theater". Yes, it is a theatre where the play involves a lot of beer... The people perform in the local dialect form, Sächsisch, which isn't always that easy to understand, but I think I managed OK overall! This guy did a trick where he put his mouth round the rim of a beer glass and necked the whole thing in one. It was, errm, impressive (??). It was certainly very German... The whole thing was really good though, but I think you have to have an open sense of humour to find it funny!

...of having very little to do.

It means I can waste time filling out daft quiz/questionnaire type thingies...

It means I can starve myself for a day and feel like I'm about to pass out... 5.5 hours still to go... Sigh. My head is off on one, which may help explain anything weird I write in the next minutes. It might help, but I make no guarantees. But it's all in the interest of religious and global harmony. So it feels good in a way. Looking forward to that kebab at 7 o'clock, oh yes...

It means I have time to go shopping for new glasses, finally. Hopefully by this time next week I will have them!!

It means I also have time to try and do something for other people, which I hope I will be able to do more of in the next few days...

I've moved house this week as well. For the time being I am resident in Ullersdorf, a village on the outskirts of Dresden, in the middle of the woods. It's so quiet at night (or in the day), it's pretty scary. Tonight I will be walking back across the golf course in the pitch black to get home, so wish me luck...

Please, in case you haven't done so already, then go and check out this website and pledge your support. You don't have to pay anything for this, just add yourself to the list. It will only take a minute, and who knows, maybe it will make a big difference for some kids in the near future. If you're interested, read further.

J


The innocent victims of Internet child abuse cannot speak for themselves.

But you can.

With your help, we can eradicate this evil trade.

We do not need your money.

We need you to light a candle of support <http://www.lightamillioncandles.com>.

We're aiming to light at least One Million Candles by December 31, 2006.

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They have the power to work together. You have the power to get them to take action.

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So, yeah, once again it has been ages since I last updated. To be honest I've been putting it off. Firstly, because the more time goes past, the more things happen and the less grip I have over everything. Which means stuff becomes increasingly complicated to explain and I have a tendency to just imagine stuff that didn't actually happen. It's like playing Whispers on your own. Secondly, I have a general lack of good news and I don't want to depress people with this fact. So I've been waiting to see whether things would start to settle down a bit before I got back here. But at the moment it doesn't seem to be happening, and as I think you have a right to know what's going on, I'd better get to it.

So my contract in Dresden came to an end the first week of August, after I did a week of English camp with the kids. The camp was a real emotional rollercoaster for me; there were so many highs and lows. I was sick pretty much the whole time, but I still wanted to be able to enjoy the experience and so I tried to battle through the whole thing and keep going. I knew it was going to be my last week with these children after what felt like an age; the trouble was, this was what was making me ill. I didn't know how I was supposed to part with them and my friends and colleagues and head off into the unknown. This was much worse than having to leave Vienna, because at least then I knew there was a definite reason to head back to England; I had to complete my degree.

This time, although I had received confirmation of a place at Manchester, I hadn't had any information about what was supposed to happen next; when the course would begin, what I would be doing, and worst of all, exactly how I was going to pay for the whole thing. I didn't have long to wait though. The day I left my job, left the people I had grown to care for over the last 12 months, was the day I received confirmation to say I wouldn't be considered for funding. The application was good, they said. But the message was clear; "Thanks, but no thanks".

So I found myself with a choice of paying for the course myself and getting myself into and ever-increasing pile of debt, or cancelling it and going back to square one; no job, no prospects, no aims. Well, as I had already been having doubts as to the real merits of this MA, Option 1 wasn't really a choice. But still, I had to make a decision with no real time to think about it; a week later I was due to leave for South East Asia and wouldn't return until a month later. So I chose to start again.

The holiday, Gott sei dank, turned out be fantastic. We did have a truly amazing time, which I won't start to go into now, but it was what I needed. I had been doubtful before we left about the fact that I was going away and spending thousands of pounds just as I was becoming unemployed, but it was too late by then, and this holiday had been a dream of mine for several years. It had already been scaled down once. I was glad I did it, because it helped me to clear my head a bit and get away from everything. I also think that the beliefs of the people we met, the Buddhists, Muslims and Hindus, were pretty amazing and inspirational. When we returned it felt like we'd been gone forever; despite any negative aspects, we weren't ready to leave.

So now I'm back in Dresden. At the moment I am looking for jobs here, but I don't know if that means I will stay. I haven't decided yet. Lea isn't here anymore, she has a position in the Netherlands which will keep her busy for the next four years, all being well. Next week I have to move out of my flat. So I'm torn between the city I love and my friends here, my motherland where I have friends, family and where I belong, or a new country where the girl I am living my life with has moved to and where I might make a place for myself too. I guess I just take each day as it comes and see what happens. I'm neither unhappy nor happy. I'm just in limbo.

Any ideas?

It feels like time to write an update, although I don't have anything particularly exciting to tell.

England are out of the World Cup. What a shame. I think I'll survive. Unless I accidentally kill a child for telling me they lost once again. Do they think I don't know? That someone stores me in a box over the weekend and switches me back on again on Monday mornings?

Have been playing footie with the kids this afternoon actually. I'm happy to say I can save more penalties than Paul Robinson. Tomorrow they want to play a real game between two classes and I will be refereeing. I'm quite looking forward to that actually. Might have to persuade a colleague to play linesman. I also plan to teach them how to play cricket this week, nowt wrong with a bit of culture and some gentlemanly sport.

Lea's great auntie came to visit from Frankfurt yesterday. I was amazed to learn it was ten years since they had last seen one another. I mean, Frankfurt isn't exactly the end of the earth. It was interesting to meet someone who has experienced so much in her life and still seems to be pretty active for 88. She has lived through a war, escaped from the DDR and managed to set herself up fairly comfortably and successfully in the West.

At the weekend we managed to prepare some more applications for Lea's PhD. Saturday night we went to the opening of a new beach on the banks of the Elbe. These sort of man-made beach bars are very popular here, this one had a pool and jacuzzi, volleyball and boules. Complimented by a big insect problem with nothing to combat it.

The new Muse album is released today, so I'm thinking about going into town when I'm done here to see if I can buy it. I already listened once online and I think it's pretty good.

Speaking of music, we went to the Campus Party last week, where they have a lot of live bands. Well, the most famous was probably Norwegian "rock gods" Apopygma Berzerk ("She She She Shine On"). There was a very interesting Mexican ska punk group who sang rude things about George Bush, so that was very positive. Might look them up online actually. But all things considered, after the escapades of recent times, I decided I had to have a weekend free from alcohol and grilled food. I'm pleased to say I managed without problems, so I'm not a beeroholic yet. Unfortunately tonight is the party for the end of the Spanish course, but I will moderate myself.

I actually managed to write quite a lot about nothing. Ich bin beeindruckt. Cheerio!